Burger King Outsources

Ipecac Attack

This is too funny. Thanks to my friend, Nate, for telling me about this great video.



Money quote: "This is reality TV -- you're actually vomiting!"

Absurdist Bumper Stickers

I read a particularly stupid bumper sticker the other day. It said "E Pluribus Meow: In Cats We Trust". I mean, most people know that "In God we trust" is not the translation of e pluribus unum which means "from many, one". And the replacement of God with any species of animal, let alone domesticated felines, for any type of national or communal reliance is probably highly suspect even among agnostics.

I decided I should come up with some other stupid bumper stickers, see what you think. They are all based on actual stickers I've seen.

10. My other bumper sticker is on my wheel-barrow.
9. Pro-Union, Pro-American, Anti-Constipation
8. My other car has more stickers on it.
7. I was an honor student too and look where it got me.
6. If you can read this, you know this car is using BIODIESEL.
5. My collie is an obedience school honor student.
4. Let someone else take your internal organs to Heaven.
3. Play the Dukes of Hazzard theme backwards and you'll go flying out the window.
2. Sean Meople Puck

...and...

1. I could tell you what my other car is, but I'd have to kill you.

Which kind of guy am I?

I mused out loud earlier, being in my Harvey personality, before Mrs. Flautbert told him to shut up (I'm a regular Sybil), to my wife and I said:

"Honey, there are too types of guys in this world. One type of guy is the type of guy who brags about how much he spent on this thing, you know, and that and the other. The other is the type of guy who likes to brag about how little he spent on whatever. The question is which type of guy do you think I am?"

She did laugh a little at that, albeit siliently, then I believe she immediately perceived the pure rhetorical value of the question and said nothing in response.

My wife is funny

My wife, who is very beautiful, is also very funny. I know you already assumed she has a sense of humor since, after all, she did marry me.

But tonight we were eating at Friendly's up in Westlake and she mentioned that my mother-in-law had earlier reported the hometown news that Grove City College is buying the Grove City Diner in Grove City, PA. I immediately lit up.

"That means they're going to..."

"Probably tear it down," she said. "Yeah, there are going to be a lot of homeless cockroaches in Grove City."

That was the money quote! "Hey, did you just make that up?" I said laughing.

She said she had. That was choice. You got to understand how bad the diner was. She used to work there in high school.

I had another friend, Scott, who worked there when he was in high school. He was funny in his own way. He told me about how one owner had posted a sign on the Coke dispenser which read "DON'T MESS WITH THIS G*D D*MN MACHINE". I think he was probably the tenth troglodyte to run the joint. "I don't care if you use profanity sometimes," Scott said, "but don't write it on the Coke machine I have to use!"

Botched Jokes

This is a little site I'm working on where I'll put some comedy writing, you know, botched jokes et cetera. Being that I'm one of the bungled and the botched that seems to make sense.

I'll try to keep it all PG-13.