"Hate to say" versus "Hope you know"

The question is which do you use if you're trying to be catty, sarcastic or just plain irritating? I can only provide examples....

1) I hate to say it, but Darth Vader is a bad guy. I don't care that he "went good" at the end -- fat lot of good that did for the people he sliced up with his light sword thing.

2) I hope you know that people don't work at Starbucks just to listen to cool music or because they like to make lattes or for their health or something. They, um, like to get a tip now and again, ok, hence that little jar on the counter, Mr. Tightfist.

3) I hate to say it, since it seems so obvious, but lighting things on fire is not a sign of maturity. Even if you can make money doing it.

4) I hope you know that your chances of having a relationship with a female is inversely proportional to the number of clicks, groans and scowls she produces at your attempts at humor.

5) I hate to say it, but "dung head" is not a term of endearment.

6) I hope you know this by now, but as fascinating as it may be to you as someone who is "into science and stuff", lake-effect snow is just as bothersome, slippery and dangerous as the standard sky-effect snow by the time it's on the ground where we have to deal with it, and...

7) ....on a related note, I hate to say this, but friendly-fire is only harmless in video games. So be careful where you point that thing.

The Question Remains

So, what should we call people who, for one reason or another which I wouldn't begin to attempt to fathom, live in Parma? I've got some ideas.

I think that maybe we ought to watch this first, just for a little bit of context. Otherwise you might be thinking I'm being really mean.



Here are some suggestions:

1) Parmanians
2) Parmasses
3) Parma-ese
4) Miserable, Fat Parma Bastards

"Emotard"

My wife and I have been reading a great book, The 5 Love Languages. It's very insightful, but I, as usual, have to make a lot of love language jokes to supplement the insights. For example, when the author used the phrase "emotionally retarded", it immediately evoked an abbreviation from my brain.

"Honey, as a male I know I can be a real emotard," I delivered with a straight face to Lissa which almost caused her to go into a laugh spasm.

"Don't ever say the word emotard ever again," she warned wiping tears from her eyes.

I did look it up, well, Googled it; generally "emotard" is a derogatory term which is already in use. It refers negatively to practitioners of the music style "Emo" which, as far as I can tell from my brief research, seems to be short for "emotional" embrace many styles of alternative, punk and hardcore punk, but rebranded sometime in the early 90's since a lot of people thought punk music was dead.

But for older fogeys who don't run in the cool circles nor follow the hip kiddie trends and jargon, emotard seems like a great slang word for "emotional retard." But I can't use it at home -- that's probably a good thing.

Absurdist Bumper Stickers

I read a particularly stupid bumper sticker the other day. It said "E Pluribus Meow: In Cats We Trust". I mean, most people know that "In God we trust" is not the translation of e pluribus unum which means "from many, one". And the replacement of God with any species of animal, let alone domesticated felines, for any type of national or communal reliance is probably highly suspect even among agnostics.

I decided I should come up with some other stupid bumper stickers, see what you think. They are all based on actual stickers I've seen.

10. My other bumper sticker is on my wheel-barrow.
9. Pro-Union, Pro-American, Anti-Constipation
8. My other car has more stickers on it.
7. I was an honor student too and look where it got me.
6. If you can read this, you know this car is using BIODIESEL.
5. My collie is an obedience school honor student.
4. Let someone else take your internal organs to Heaven.
3. Play the Dukes of Hazzard theme backwards and you'll go flying out the window.
2. Sean Meople Puck

...and...

1. I could tell you what my other car is, but I'd have to kill you.